


Too Much On My Mind

by captain_starcat



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, M/M, Pre-Slash, implied period homophobia, it's not paranoia if you're actually a secret agent, what's behind Napoleon's mask?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_starcat/pseuds/captain_starcat
Summary: Napoleon was what his mother used to call a natural worrier.





	Too Much On My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as one of the vignettes in [4 Vignettes With No Kissing & 1 Ex-Yacht](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12340020?view_full_work=true), but it didn't quite fit. It languished on my hard drive until I ran across it just now on an organizational spree and, with the magic power of creative emotional distance, realized it worked a lil better than I remembered (\o/). Could be considered a deleted scene, if you like, though it most certainly stands by itself.

Napoleon was what his mother used to call a natural worrier.

Worrying was healthy for spies; that double check, triple check of your weapon, your surroundings, your contact, could save your life. For Napoleon, the little voice in the back of his mind always asking _'what if? what if?'_ kept him making contingency plans for his contingency plans, constantly noting escape routes, poring over the details of upcoming affairs long into the night, trying cover all the bases. Worrying was what got him promoted to CEA, youngest since Waverly, and what made him so good at his job.

When he was assigned to work with Illya Kuryakin, he worried about that, too. It wasn't that the man was a Soviet, that was nothing next to the anxieties of keeping a partner.

_can I trust him? what if he can't keep up? what if he betrays me? what if he doesn't get there in time?_

Napoleon preferred to work alone, and he'd heard all the jokes about his name, thank you very much.

But Illya always got there in time, proved himself and his loyalty again and again, and somehow became an indispensable part of Napoleon's life. It wasn't long before he stopped worrying what danger his new partner held for him, and started worrying what danger the world held for Illya.

_has he been captured? is he being tortured? are they going to kill him? what if_ I _don't get there in time?_

And sometimes, between missions, when that didn't seem to meet his mind's quota for Illya-worrying, Napoleon would start wondering whether his partner was eating enough, or getting laid, or if his hot water had been fixed yet, and that would be where it'd all go downhill.

_is Illya safe? is he happy? does he have his eye on anyone? he barely dates... is he even into women? no, no, of course he is. but. (...is this even my business?) ...but what if he's not? what if he _is_ a queer? ...what if he tried to kiss me?_

_(...what if i tried to kiss him?)_

And before those thoughts could get the cracks in the dam a-quivering, and before it all led to a cascade failure of panic and regrets, he would have to go check if Susie in Records was free that night, or if Marina the bartender at the White Horse still remembered him, or introduce himself to the new girl in Japanese Translations, just to get his brain to _shut up_.


End file.
